Guilt and Blame

Abusers Guilt
An abuser does NOT feel guilty or sorry for hurting the victim. The abuser may apologize, but the apology is designed so that they will not face consequences or be held accountable for their actions; they are NOT truly sorry for the damage they have caused.

Victim’s Guilt
Many victims of domestic violence are made to feel guilty for many reasons. 

Personal Guilt
A victim may feel guilty for ending the marriage or relationship.  The victim may feel they have caused the situation and by leaving they are the one to blame.  All victims must remember that they are NOT to blame and that they would not have left if their partner had not been abusive. 

Guilt Used By Abuser
The abuser rarely feels they have done anything wrong so they make the victim feel responsible.  The abuser may call and say it is the victim’s fault the marriage is over or that the abuser lost their job, is unable to buy food or is going to loose the car and house.  If an abuser is ever going to change, they must realize that they have to face the consequences of their actions.  This does not happen very often.

Family/Religious/Community/Law Enforcement
Guilt can come from the one’s you love the most and the one’s you thought could protect you. Family members may blame you for causing turmoil in their lives or for the threats from the abuser.  Religious organizations may feel you should return, be a “good” spouse and give the abuser one more chance. The community and law enforcement may not be able to help you in your situation making you feel guilty that you may have made a “big deal” about nothing.  Many of the above individuals do not understand the pain and torment of what you have been through.  You have no reason to be guilty or sorry; the choice of being a victim was not yours; it was forced upon you.

Children
A child’s home torn apart due to domestic violence can be very traumatic, but if a child continues to stay in a domestic violence situation the child may become the victim or grow up to be an abuser.  Children may blame the parent for leaving their home and “destroying their lives”.  A child does not understand the severity of the situation nor do they understand what is best for all members of the family. It is very difficult to have a  child blame and accuse you, but you must realize that the right decision has been made and you could be saving your child from unbearable pain.

VICTIMS ARE NOT GUILTY FOR THE VIOLENCE COMMITED BY THEIR ABUSERS ON THEIR BODY, MIND, OR SPIRIT.